The Marauder's Unabridged History, Volume 34
by Bassoonish Eicher
Summary: Each Marauder Generation is described by their animal counterparts.  Before them was the Wolf, Rat, Dog, and Stag Marauder Generation. The first was the Three Snake Marauder Generation. They, however, are the Fox, Ferret, and Cat Marauder Generation.
1. The Map

Messrs. Fawump, Firefur, and Crashingly  
>Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers<br>are proud to present  
>The Marauder's Unabridged History of<br>The Fox, Ferret, and Cat

"… May they forever rest in peace. From this earth they have come, and to it they shall return." The old man finished, no twinkle left in his eye. The old man waved his wand, levitating the dark caskets into their graves, their final resting place. With a lone tear streaming down his beard, he plucked a bouquet of lilies out of thin air, and let it fall to rest on top of the graves of the two who meant so much to him.

"Good bye, James… Lily... I can't forget what you've done for me." A man with graying brown hair whispered as he too let a bouquet of lilies fall into the open grave before moving on and letting other mourners pay their last respects. He held back the sobs of loneliness, wrought with sorrow at the losses he had endured, the loss of three great friends, the betrayal of another, trusted friend. He had decided that from that day onward, that he couldn't let anyone else get that close to him. It would only lead to more sorrow.

* * *

><p>In a lonely cottage not far from that cemetery, a man jolted awake, and began the tiring daily challenge of getting out of bed. His joints weren't what they used to be, the years of living with the wolf had taken their toll, but he couldn't... leave... just yet. Every morning was a challenge, knowing that his best friends and family were waiting on the other side of life. There had been no more friends since that day... The day they died.<p>

He looked down at his clothes, rumpled and worn, then to the whisky bottle. He could pass out from drinking, but never feel drunk, never make the pain go away, never have a hangover that his friends would always complain about. A werewolf's only outlet is the full moon, and a beast bottled for a month is too viscous to be a pleasant release.

He rolled out of bed, and headed for the door. He had a visit to make. At this hour, the graveyard would be cold and empty. Perfect.

His hand connected with the chiseled stag, a jolt of electricity, magic, ran through him. The tribute that each Marauder got. He ran his fingers over the lily engraved next to the stag. The same jolt he felt every morning for ten years. He used the top of the gravestone to help him to his feet. There was a strange warmth to the stone today.

His creaking knees popped into place, but he let his hand linger, and an unnaturally warm breeze brought a whisper to him. Prong's voice, "Marauders", the same as it was whispered when he had first heard the word. Lily's voice, "Hogwarts", just like every time the castle had started talking to her. Perhaps it was time for him to return.

* * *

><p>"George, George! GEORGE!" Fed up with waiting for his twin to wake up, he cracked a stink bomb and held it next to the sleeping form's nose.<p>

"What…?" George rolled over, and mumbled a reply, having just been very rudely awakened from a very nice nap.

"You know that cabinet in Flich's office that says Dangerous and whatnot on it?"

"Yeah…" George was still half asleep and definitely not thinking coherently, for if he was, he would have definitely been much more interested in something Dangerous.

"Well Lee heard from Oliver who heard from his older brother who heard from his friend who heard from his uncle who heard from-"

"Just get to it already Fred. I'm," he was interrupted by a yawn, "tired." Then, very dramatically, he rolled over.

"Well, anyways, Lee told me that there's supposed to be something awesome and dangerous in there."

"You woke me up to tell me that there was something dangerous in the file cabinet marked 'Dangerous'? You're bloody brilliant." George's comment was definitely laced with sarcasm that was for sure.

"Oh, shut it, George. I think we should see what is really in that cabinet."

"And you couldn't have waited to tell me this?"

* * *

><p>"Grand idea, Fred! Instead of taking the Fanged Frisbee that Filch took from us last week, you decided to grab a used piece of parchment. You are so bloody smart!"<p>

"Well, I am the smarter twin…"

"You're an idiot."

* * *

><p>"So what will you two tell Mum when she hears of this?" Percy attempted to reprimand the twins.<p>

"We're up to no good?" One of then started

"With a wand oath so she'll believe us!" The other one added, not missing a beat.

"Wand oath… That's a good idea." He kept it going back and forth, still not missing a beat, knowing that Percy was becoming more and more frustrated.

"Of course it is, I came up with it."

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good!"

"Good enough for me, brother, what do you think Percy? …Percy?" The brother in question had retreated to his textbooks, and being the smart brothers they were, the twins assumed that they were to report to him with just what they were going to tell their mother as soon as they figured it out. Thus with only a glance at eachother, they grabbed their things and headed over to disturb Percy's peaceful studying.

"So, Percy,"

"We've decided,"

"That we'll give Mum,"

"A wand oath,"

"And we'll tell her," They whipped their wands out in a flourish, well, tried to, before Percy started listening and getting annoyed.

"Would you two just be quiet? Or better yet, leave the room altogether?" Percy said scathingly.

"But the oath…"

"I don't care about the oath. Just leave. Go get in trouble or something." The twins grinned, it was the first time their brother had ever told them to go get in trouble.

"Yes, sir!" They said in unison, both saluting him, before rushing out the common room door. Percy shook his head and turned back to studying.

"I can't believe he didn't want to hear our oath."

"I know, it was so good." George said as he stuffed his wand back in his pocket.

"Yeah, I solemnly swear I am up to no good," He followed suit and put his wand away too, "You can't get better than that." Before they knew it, the two had reached the kitchens, always thinking with their stomachs.

"Hows can Mappy be servinges Young Master?" The elf squeaked as they walked in the portrait.

"Got any chocolate pudding?" George asked eagerly, and glanced over at Fred, who was too deep in thought to make any requests for food. His loss.

"Yeses, Young Master, Rights away."

"So has that stupid piece of parchment done anything remotely dangerous yet?"

"Nope, but I've got it with me in case you'd like to try making it explode."

"Let's, if it's not good for much else…" Fred pulled it out of his back pocket.

"BLOODY HELL!" His twin shouted, though nobody turned. The house elves were adjusted to the trouble makers randomly shouting explicatives. The two stared at the piece of parchment as words wrote themselves across the top.

The Sons of Slytherin,

Later known as the Marauders,

Would like to formally congratulate

The newest of Hogwart's Marauders

On figuring out the secret password

To this wonderful map of Hogwarts.

You are hereby ordered to report to

Marauder Sanctus,

In its location,

As indicated in the Map,

Which you now possess.

Good luck,

And don't forget:

Watch your step,

Or we will be.

"Uhhh, Fred… When did we become shorter than the house elves?"

"Bloody Hell, George! You've gotten fatter!"

"And your legs are shorter than a flobberworm's!"

"Eergh! I feel stupider!" Fred shouted, to add to the dramatic situation.

"You've always been stupid, Fred. This cursed map thingy was your idea."

"The wand oath wasn't my idea!"

"Yes it was!"

"No it wasn't!"

"Yes! It was!"

"No! Wasn't!"

"Yes! Was too!"

"Whatever, where does the map say to go?"

"Good question, it says to go to several places, " Indeed, the map did tell them to go to several places. There were 33 locations, four per floor, one in the great hall, one in the quittidch pitch, another in the great lake, one on the green house roof, and one on the very edge of the map with an arrow pointing towards the Dark Forest. Each location was denoted with a bright red number, going from number one, in the dungeons, to number 33, the one with the arrow pointing towards the Dark Forest.

"Do you have your dice?" He continued looking thoughtfully at the map.

"Always do, why?" George responded.

"Because it's blatantly obvious that it's not worth the effort to run around to all thirty-some places and then discover that it's not one of them. Duh. The dice can tell us something." Fred pulled a set of gambling dice out of his pocket and rolled them on the map and George did the same. All the red numbers still showed.

"Whatdya think that means?" George asked.

"That we aren't going to any of the red spots."

"Then where do we go?"

"What do the dice have in common?"

"Folds in the parchment... They all meet here." He pointed to a spot on the map.

"Seems about right, let's go."

* * *

><p>A short man sat watching a wall, which of course was filled with a portrait that showed the happenings in another part of the castle.<p>

"So, Shortstop, what'd I miss?" A woman with overly large spectacles casually asked as she walked into the room carrying a bowl of popcorn and two butter beers.

"They already figured out where to go." He replied, getting up and taking one of the butter beers.

"Really? It took my group a whole three months searching all the places marked on the map, and one of those months was spent trying to find the one in the forbidden forest."

* * *

><p>"FRED! GEORGE! Why the blazes am I a bloody gnome?" A loud and angry shout came echoing through the magical walkie talkies the group carried at all times. The twins shared a look, wondering why Lee was also a gnome, when he hadn't been there when the map opened. The now-gnome twins rushed, or rather waddled up to the dorms. By the time they had reached the stairs, they had shrunk to the height of two stair treads. It now looked like they wouldn't be able to get up the stairs. Regardless, they had to try, and of course fail.<p>

* * *

><p>"I absolutely love Hogwarts' sense of humor." The woman commented as she grabbed another handful of popcorn.<p>

"I agree, it is just so entertaining. Who knew that gnomes can't climb stairs?" He chuckled.

* * *

><p>Fred looked at his toppled over brother, and asked, "Plan B6?"<p>

"Yeah." His brother replied.

"LEE! FALOOSA!" The two shouted into their walkie talkies.

* * *

><p>"I wonder how they came up with that word."<p>

"I wonder what exactly their plan B6 is.."

"And I wonder how exactly they came up with this plan." A man said as he walked into the room, with a chuckle. Hearing his entrance, the short man stood.

"Messr. Moony, a pleasure to be in the presence of a current Marauder."

"The pleasure is mine, Shortstop. I've been alone for far too long." He replied with a wise smile.

"I didn't think you would come back."

"It's been nine long years.. But Prongs, Wormtail.. and Lily... They would... I don't know what they would do, they're dead." A tear rolled down his face, he took a deep breath and continued, "They wouldn't be happy with me for the way I've been living."

"I know. For all my inner eye is worth, they wouldn't want you lonely. Hogwarts would never turn away a Marauder, stay with us here, Messr. Moony." A door shimmered into place on a nearby wall, it slowly swung open to reveal a bedroom.

"Maybe your inner eye is right for once.." Moony said with a sad chuckle.

* * *

><p>A backpack came rolling down the stairs, quickly followed by a gnome. Once at the bottom, he confronted the other two gnomes.<p>

"So why the blazes am I a gnome?"

"We're not exactly sure."

"See, there was this odd wand oath, and then there was this map, and then there was a place on this map we're supposed to go to, and then we got turned into gnomes."

"So then what does faloosa mean?"

"That you need to get the botched transfigurations kit."

"Uhmmm... I grabbed the magical creature hunting kit."

"Why'd you do that?"

"I thought that was what faloosa meant!" Lee said indignantly

"You must have confused it with fallopa," Fred started,

"That's the code word for giant gorilla hunting kit," George finished.

* * *

><p>"Where did they find the insight to create a botched transfigurations kit?"<p>

"Beats me, maybe your inner eye can tell you."

"My inner eye has been non-responsive lately. I think it's getting a bit angry with me..." Moony burst out laughing, remembering a certain conversation about her inner eye they had in school. He was certain that event was written down somewhere._  
><em>

* * *

><p>"So we're going to this spot on the map...?" lee asked tentatively as the twin gnomes showed him the map.<p>

"Yep, and when we get there, we'll find out if we'll be gnomes forever, we reckon."

"Let's go." George told the other two, attempting to get them moving.

"But George, we have to go up two floors." Lee pointed out.

"And that matters why?..."

"We have to climb two flights of stairs."

"Bugger!"

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note:<em> There will be some references to my other Marauder stories, I suggest reading them. I'm not sure how our gnomes will be getting up the stairs... Suggestions? Do leave a review and give me your opinion. Also, do give me any grand ideas you have for adventures that this story could experience. I haven't planned it very far, and don't know where it's going. So... Suggestions? Other than that, I like reviews, so please do leave me a review, you reviewers give me the inspiration to continue my stories.

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything more than my precious ideas.


	2. The Codex

"Ideas."

"We levitate ourselves up the stairs."

"Right, wands? I don't remember where mine is."

"I think I left mine in the kitchen."

"I was more concerned with suddenly being a gnome... I think mine is in the dorms." Lee said frankly.

* * *

><p>With a pop, three wands appeared on the table before the midget, woman, and Moony. They burst out laughing, realizing that the wands had disappeared due to the interference of Hogwarts.<p>

In the midst of laughter, the woman repeated, "I love Hogwarts' sense of humor."

* * *

><p>"So that idea is out."<p>

"What do we have in the magical creature hunting kit?"

"Uhmm, a giant shrunken spear, growth potions, rope, another spear, some sandwiches, this weird thingy—" George started, going through the pack Lee had brought with him.

"That's a grapple." Lee told him.

"Whatever." George whined.

"Right... The growth potion would make us big again." Fred mused.

"Let's do it." The other two gnomes said in unison.

"But there's only one dose..." George said, holding up the nearly empty flask of potion.

"Well since I brought the pack, I get it." Lee said, grabbing the flask and quickly drinking it before the twins could protest. Shortly thereafter, there was a human sized gnome, complete with fat body and short arms and legs.

"Well I didn't think about this." Lee commented looking down at himself.

"Can you climb the stairs?" Fred asked impatiently. Lee experimentally climbed a stair and was successful.

* * *

><p>"How sad. I would've liked to see them try to use the grapple." The midget sighed.<p>

"I think I've seen that variant of growth potion before. If they're quick it'll last them partway up the second flight of stairs." Moony offhandedly commented.

* * *

><p>The two small gnomes were now tied to the legs of the large gnome, the giant gorilla hunting kit abandoned to the side.<p>

"Onward, Lee!" George said from Lee's left leg.

"Wait, don't forget the pack—"

"But it's heavy." Lee whined.

"You got it down here as a gnome."

"Point." Lee grudgingly responded, grabbing the pack.

"Yes, I'm winning!" Fred said.

"Now, Onward!" George shouted again.

* * *

><p>"These ones are really smart." Hogwarts blushed at the woman's compliment to her choice of Marauders.<p>

"My group would've left the pack." The midget commented.

"My group didn't need the pack." Moony teased.

"Oh, just because my group got turned into midgets..."

"What did your group have to do anyways, Moony?" The woman asked.

"You don't remember?"

"I wasn't a castle-bound Marionette until your seventh year."

"Oh, that's right... Our case was a special case. Hogwarts just showed us the way here. We didn't go through the process of finding the map, and getting a curse. For us, it was less traditional, and more of a necessity. Hogwarts felt one of her previous students take the darkest path, and felt that she needed additional protection. That was the year Voldemort came to power. The current Marauder was waiting for us. He was a sixth year Slytherin that none of us trusted. He died that summer, for refusing to join the Dark Lord. Hogwarts told us that she had known it would happen."

"I wonder why she waited so long to appoint new Marauders."

"She didn't need to until now. Harry starts school next year. He's already on the lists as Mr. Prongs Jr."

"Oh, my, the poor boy; Hogwarts must have plans for him."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, the new marauders had made it farther than Moony thought they would, but not far enough. They still had 7 steps to go on a moving stairway and Lee was shrinking fast.<p>

"Bloody Hell, now how do we get up there?" George asked the assembled Gnomes.

"There's this thing that dad's always talking about at home, I think it's called a Escatalator or something, and it's a moving staircase where you stand on a step and the staircase does the rest."

"And this is helpful how?" Lee asked Fred skeptically.

"Well if we had our wands—"

"Which we don't"

"Right, what's left in the bag?"

"Sandwiches, grapple, spear, helmet, goggles, gorilla suit, camouflage toilet paper, gorilla mating call—" George dug though the sack and listed off what he found as he went.

"Oh, I have an idea!"

"Now what, Fred?"

"We call a gorilla and ride it up the stairs."

"And does Hogwarts have gorillas?" Lee asked skeptically again, and the twins shrugged.

"One way to find out." George said and blew hard on the gorilla call. What they didn't know was that it was a Demiguise call, not a gorilla call. When the Demiguise in question suddenly became visible, they were quite startled.

"I didn't think that would work." Fred said stunned.

"Hey there buddy, can you take us up the stairs?" The Demiguise, somehow understanding their wishes, gathered them in what felt like a hug to them, and proceeded to run all over Hogwarts with them. Naturally, Lee, Fred, and George never realized that the Demiguise had turned invisible again, which would explain why none of the students or teachers thought it was at all odd to see an ape like creature running around Hogwarts with a couple gnomes in its arms.

* * *

><p>"Where'd the Demiguise come from?" Mr. Moony asked politely. Mr. Shortstop laughed.<p>

"One of Hargrid's pets, I imagine."

"Hagrid has acquired a few more interesting pets since I was here." Moony remarked.

"My inner eye tells me you never knew about the Demiguise because you could not see it." Seeingeye commented.

"How witty of your inner eye."Moony replied sarcastically.

"If I don't listen to my inner eye, it will abandon me."

"That doesn't mean you have to comment to others about your inner eye."

"To the contrary, I actually do. It's an odd sort of relationship. My inner eye is quite needy of attention." Seeingeye told Moony, who gave her a 'you're crazy' look. Moony's next comment was cut off by the imminent arrival of the new marauders.

"Greetings." The three figures in the painting bowed as the portrait swung open to reveal Moony, the woman, and the midget.

"Good evening, New Marauders. I am the only current Marauder; my name is Mr. Moony, this is former Marauder, Mr. Shortstop and this is Marionette Seeingeye. By way of the map, Hogwarts herself has requested you to serve as Marauders. Do you honor this request?"

"Uhh, sure." Fred boldly said.

"Yeah." George said with conviction.

"What he said." Lee responded.

"Then, by the power vested in me by the castle, Hogwarts, I call fourth the First Sons of Slytherin to perform the rites of induction." An image of the three men in the painting slowly appeared in the room, and stepped forward to the group, addressing Mr. Moony.

"Mr. Moony, it is my grave duty to inform you that Mr. Wormtail has served his purpose as a servant to Hogwarts' wishes, and is henceforth stricken from the lists." A tear rolled down the man's cheek as he bowed his head to the men.

"New Marauders," they turned toward to the three boy gnomes. "We release you from all previous bondage to any magical oaths, spells, enchantments, curses, and whatever else may hold you from your duty as Marauders." The men spoke, with one voice. The new Marauders promptly fell over, unconscious, but started to return to their previous human forms.

"That was not supposed to happen. It's just a formality..." the son of Slytherin in the middle mused to his brothers as he stepped forward.

"You added that part to the induction rites for a reason," The son on the left retorted.

"Point. It's just never had such an effect, they must've had quite a few strings pulling them." The middle son of Slytherin replied.

"Mr. Moony, please call us when they wake. Maintaining a corporeal form is more work than I care for." The Son of Slytherin on the right turned as he told Mr. Moony, who nodded as they faded back to their painting. Seeing them leave, Mr. Moony turned to Mr. Shortstop and Marionette Seeingeye.

"I for one would like to know how children so young were bound so fully." He said.

"I agree. Hogwarts, dear, do you know anything about this?" Marionette Seeingeye asked, aloud for the courtesy of the others in the room, and was then confronted by an image of a red haired man and woman swearing the fealty of their family to the man they knew to be Dumbledore.

"Their parents swore the fealty of their families to Dumbledore... But the other, I don't know, and neither does Hogwarts."

"Interesting," Shortstop mused, "Well since they won't be waking for a while, how about a game?" He continued as he started dealing out the stack of exploding cards.

Moments later, one of the twins stirred, groaning, and the others could hear him faintly say 'bloody hell'. The others woke soon after, and Mr. Moony called the Sons of Slytherin back into the room.

"Stand new marauders, and receive your oath. Do you swear to provide for Hogwarts' wellbeing, be it that of the emotional condition of her students or the physical defense of her walls?"

"I do." The boys said in unison, compelled by some unknown force to show proper respect for their replies.

"Then you are bound to Hogwarts for your life until she shuns you or death parts you. Hogwarts understands the great things she asks of you, and in light of this will provide you guidance and favor all your days of bondage. Do you accept this bondage above all other bonds?"

"I do." In unison, they spoke, as a bright light flashed through the room, and the Sons of Slytherin were gone. Fading, the light left points of light in each person, symbolizing the favors Hogwarts had granted her new Marauders.

"Congratulations, Marauders." Mr. Moony told them with a warm smile. "This is the Marauder codex. Live by it and its teachings." He pulled a book off of the bookshelf, and reached for another well used tome. "This will guide you through the animagus transformation. Mr. Shortstop," he gestured with the book, "is the castle-bound Marauder. Until you complete the transformation, you obey him above all else in the castle, headmaster included." He gestured to Seeingeye. "This is Marionette Seeingeye, the castle bound Marionette. She is the closest link to Hogwarts herself, and Hogwarts occasionally works through her, and one day, your generation might also find a Marionette."

"Yada, Yada, Yada, Mr. Moony. Now boys, tell me why you are glowing." Mr. Shortstop interrupted, with a brilliant smile of sincere interest in what Hogwarts had given them. The twins simultaneously looked at their still glowing pockets, then looked at each other and smiled. They reached into their pockets, and pulled out a set of gambling dice each.

"The Weasley family dice." They said in awe at the same time. Mr. Moony raised an eyebrow.

"There's a myth in the Weasley family," Fred started.

"That the first Weasley lost all his possessions in a game of dice," George continued.

"But in that game of dice, he found his wife,"

"And they started the Weasley family from nothing,"

"So the first Weasley kept the fated dice with him at all times,"

"And he thought that they would always guide him,"

"To the best possible end result,"

"But, when he died,"

"The dice disappeared,"

"But the family kept believing in the dice"

"So now, every Weasley,"

"When they turn seven,"

"Gets to choose a set of dice,"

"Which they carry with them at all times,"

"To guide them in the right direction,"

"But the Weasley dice never glowed before." The two shrugged their shoulders.

"I'm guessing that there was some truth to that myth, boys." Marionette Seeingeye told them.

"Now, Lee..."

"Honestly, sir, I do not know why I'm glowing."

"Are there any unusual talents that run in your family?"

"I wouldn't know. I was found on the banks of the Thames River. They named me Lee. Then, when I started showing signs of being magical at three, they abandoned me under the London Bridge, by a river, like they found me. Then I was found by the man I call my father. He told me later that the river told him where to find me. I thought he was whacked, but I didn't complain because he gave me a home, and wasn't weirded by accidental magic. His name was Thames Jordan. When I got my Hogwarts letter, he told me that I didn't need him because Hogwarts would look after me, but that I would see him again when "the river changes tide", and I don't know what he meant by that. Then he disappeared, and I went to Hogwarts."

"And he met us," The twins said in unison,

"Mum even let him stay with us last summer, after he got home and no one was there." Fred continued.

Meanwhile, the Giant Squid was slowly morphing into a human form.

"Marionette Seeingeye, is your inner eye still angry with you?" Mr. Moony asked in all seriousness.

"Slightly, all it is giving me is an image of the Giant Squid swimming in a river."

"Well that is wholly unhelpful." Mr. Shortstop lamented.

"To me, it is rather helpful actually."

"Da?" Lee asked in shock.

"Good observation, son. I told you that I would be back when the river changed tide."

"Well, yeah... but... There's no river here." Lee told him dumbly.

"Actually, you'll find that the river Jordan has changed tide, right about when Hogwarts released you from your bonds." Lee just looked dumbfounded at his father.

"You still don't get it, do you?" Lee shook his head 'no'.

"Well do you know what a river entity is?" The group collectively shook their heads 'no'.

"Don't they teach you anything anymore? Well, every river has an entity. I am the entity of the Thames River. You, Jordan, are the entity of the Jordan river, or at least you will be when you have finished your mortal life-"

"So why am I glowing?" Lee interrupted.

"I was not finished, you came to me because I am the oldest entity still able to assume mortal shape. You are glowing because Hogwarts released the blocks on the part of you that is an entity. She just made my job that much harder. See, I was supposed to teach you about your entity powers after you had reached maturity and could actually control them, so I am here for a while, and the Giant Squid was kind enough to act as my host away from home. I can not keep a mortal shape very far away from my river."

"So this means..." Shortstop asked.

"This means that I need a powerful mortal to make one of your portals so that I can take a mortal shape here."

"The art of Portal making was lost with the downfall of Merlin," Mr. Shortstop informed Thames.

"Mortals..." He grumbled to himself.

"Hogwarts," Thames called out, "Do you still know how to make a portal?"

"She does," Marionette Seeingeye informed the group.

"Then please ask her to do so."

"She can't, she says her entity only extends to the boundary of the forest."

"Then ask her if she can send someone to do it."

"She's sending me, I'll be back." Seeingeye said as she left the room.

"Good that's taken care of, I'm going to my home river."

"Why?"George asked.

"Because right now, I am a Giant Squid, squished into a mortal form, and it is rather uncomfortable, especially since the Giant Squid cannot stop thinking about eating you mortals, particularly you werewolf, and not to mention that most of my entity powers are incompatible with whatever magic the Giant Squid has." Then he disappeared, and the Giant Squid was back in the lake, lamenting its loss of a tasty meal of humans.

"So…" Fred started, looking at Mr. Moony.

"I am a werewolf, yes. The Giant Squid wanting to eat me… well. There was this expedition to explore the lake, and the Giant Squid in particular, to see if it liked Jane Austen novels and was secretly Godric Gryffindor, and it didn't go well. My Marauder generation was almost eaten by the Giant Squid."

"I remember fishing you out of that one. Whatever possessed you to… no it's not important. I have papers to grade. I'll see you in Charms tomorrow bright and early tomorrow boys, and no you may not call me Mr. Shortstop in public." The midget left the room with a flourish, or as much of one as he could manage with his height.

"And my full moon is in a week, so I too must go, but I'll be around." Mr. Moony said as he left the room. "Read the Codex tonight. It's that important. Obey Mr. Shortstop." There was a thud of the door closing, and the new Marauders were alone in Marauder Sanctus.

"Okay, so I vote that we don't actually read it." George stated as soon as the door was closed.

"I second." Lee stated.

"All in favor say aye." George commanded, noting the annoyed look on Fred's face. They all said aye.

"Motion passed." Lee said dutifully in observation of the round of ayes.

"So now what?" Fred asked. The marauders' train of thought was interrupted by the loud flashing and colorful beeping of the Marauder's Codex.

"Maybe we should at least touch it…" George said hesitantly. The loud flashing and colorful beeping continued.

"All in fav—" Lee started.

"Aye." Fred and George interrupted at the same time, immediately putting their hands on the Codex. It flashed louder and beeped more colorfully.

"Open it?" Fred said urgently.

"Aye," Lee and George responded quickly. Hands still on the cover, Gred and Feorge opened the Codex hesitantly. It stopped beeping and flashing immediately. They all sighed in relief, and reveled in a moment of success before turning their attention to the Codex.

"Congratulations, Marauders. You have learned your first lessons." Fred started confused.

"You should never live your life based on what a book says." George continued, slightly smirking as he was the next portion of the neatly scrawled letters.

"You were chosen as Marauders because you are smarter than that." Lee finished.

"Interesting." Fred said in contemplation.

"Why? It basically says that everything in this book is useless." Lee asked pointedly. George was smirking wider than ever. Lee noticed. "What George?"

"The book said we should never care about what books say, but…" George said wiggling his eyebrows. Neither of the other two picked up where he was going with that, so he continued.

"That in itself came from a book, so it shouldn't matter." He paused again to see if one of them would catch on. Fred got it.

"So we should actually read the book, and pay attention to it?" Fred said eagerly, to both George and the book which seemed to be listening. A large 'NO' appeared below the earlier writing.

"That means yes." Lee said catching on just as quickly.

"Actually, I'm not sure… Lemme think a bit." George sat down in a chair and stared at the ominous 'NO' written in the book.

"You're thinking yourself in circles again, aren't you George?" Fred asked somewhat concerned after a few minutes.

"Yep." George said sullenly.

"Did you include time as a factor?" Fred asked skeptically. George gasped.

"No, we do not pay attention to the book."

"So what now?" Lee said leaning over the table and slamming the book shut.

"Well Mr. Moony told us to read the Codex and obey Mr. Shortstop?" Fred asked with a frown, knowing that neither of those options led to anything that was entertaining.

"And all Mr. Shortstop told us to do was not call him Mr. Shortstop in public." Lee said.

"Does this count as public?" George asked stupidly. In response the book started flashing and beeping again. They all groaned and opened it to a random page.

"Codex Law 12.4.b: The Marauder Sanctus is not public." George read. The book flipped itself to a new page.

"Codex Law 12.4.a: The Room of Requirement is not public."

"Codex Law 12.4.c: The Chamber of Secrets is not public."

"Codex Law 12.4.d: The Hall of Extinct, Highly Dangerous, Yet Still Living Creatures is not public."

"Codex Law 33.14.a: The Pudding Sanctuary is not public." George read, a confused look forming on his face.

"Codex Law 33.14.b: The Gryffindor Common room is public."

"Codex Law 33.14.c: The Gryffindor Dorms are public."

"Codex Law 33.14.d: The Ravenclaw dorms and Common room are public."

"Codex Law 33.14.e: The Hufflepuff dorms and Common room are public."

"Codex Law 33.14.f: The Great Hall is public."

"Codex Law 33.14.g: The Bottom of the Lake is public."

"Codex Law 33.14.h: Any location not previously stated as 'not public' is public." The book closed itself as George finished reading all the codex laws about what counts as public. The was an awkward silence. Fred broke the silence.

"That book is bloody magical." Fred sated in wonder. If books could blush, the Codex would've but books can't blush even in a magical world. The book did however, start flashing. George glared at it and it opened itself.

"Codex Law 26.35.c: Gross exaggeration shall not be used in the Marauder Sanctus." Fred looked hopelessly confused as he read the passage out loud.

"I'm confused." Fred stated after a pause. Lee looked contemplative.

"I think it's because when the book was written, 'bloody' was an exaggeration not a swear." Lee said as simply as he could without bringing the idea that 'bloody' is an adjective into the mess that the twins had become confused in. The twins gave him the look that confirmed that Lee has sufficiently solved the confusion.

"So now what?" George asked.

"We should take the book with us." Fred stated with confidence. The book beeped at him.

"Now what?" Fred asked the book, annoyed. It flopped open.

"Codex Constitution Section III.C. The Marauder Codex shall never leave the Marauder Sanctus." Fred sighed.

"Can you ever agree with me?" Fred asked the book.

"Codex Law 1.24.a: No."

"Codex Law 1.24.b: Yes."

"Codex Law 2.8.a: If you ask the right question."

"Codex Law 2.8.b: Maybe."

"Codex Law 2.8.c: No." Fred glared at the book in realization.

"Codex Law 2.8.d: Yes."

"Codex Law 2.8.e: With ice cream on top." George and Lee started giggling.

"Enough." Fred commanded the book.

"Codex Law 26.53.a: Enough."George and Lee were at this point rolling on the floor in laughter. And so the night continued: George and Lee laughing while a book talked back to Fred with all the creativity of thirty three generations of Marauders.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Next: The Charms lesson. Now what charm should we learn about from our esteemed Mr. Shortstop? And, yes, I will post another chapter of the Advice Column. soon. ish.

_Disclaimer_: Not Mine.


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